He talked at great length about all the stuff he'd done for his kids, how awesome he was. This went on until I was ready to mutter expletives. Finally, I asked him:
I'd like to back up just a second and ask you about something you just said, a few minutes ago. You were talking about your sons, and you said, 'I live my life through my children'.
Yeah?
Well, I'm wondering what that means to you.
I don't know what you mean. I mean, I want to do everything for them that nobody did for me. So I do everything for them. My daughter, she's a great public speaker, so I pulled some strings to get her a job working in a TV studio. I always wanted to wrestle, so I pulled some strings to get my kids into wrestling. But do you think they appreciate it? No.
I'm wondering if you know that you can't actually "live your life" through them...that they are distinct and separate.
I don't get what you mean. What's wrong with giving them direction? I pull strings, I make sure they get the opportunities they need. Nobody did that for me, nobody.
Oh, nothing, but I'm thinking, well, you're a self-made man, after all, and I recognize that you pulled yourself with a great deal of difficulty to become the person you are today.
I am. Nobody ever helped me, nobody. It was tough. I mean, I came from shit. Just absolute shit, the barrio. I made my own way in the world. I had nothing. Now I have a $350,000 house, and my own business.
It seems like you're probably a better man for having figured out and solved all your problems. Wouldn't you say?
yes. So, what's your point?
Would you say that you learned a lot solving your problems on your own? That you're a wiser man for it?
Yes. But I don't want my kids to suffer like I did. I do things for them so that they can be successful without having to work as hard as I did.
I'm wondering if you think it might be useful to step back and let your kids make mistakes, and solve problems, so that they can have that feeling that you have, of having solved their own problems.
I don't get what you're telling me. Are you saying that a father shouldn't try to help his children? Are you saying I should just let them fail?
It's just that...when you tell your kids what to do, and how to do it, and as you say, 'pull strings' so that they get what they want, you're sending the message that they can't do it on their own.
I don't see it that way.
How do you see it?
I see it as a dad who loves his kids.
And the feeling you have now, the anger because they aren't becoming the people you think they should become, and they don't appreciate the strings you've pulled, how do you see that?
I don't get what you mean.
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