Anxiety.

All throughout my adulthood anxiety has found some way to poke its head out.  Generalized anxiety is when anxiety from an event, or a cause, spreads out, like a thick, black fog, until the person is anxious about lots of things.

As soon as I figure out what's going on, it finds another way to get at me.

For a while in the 90s, it was just a feeling of unworthiness, and fear that people would figure that out.  Lots of education later, I was able to talk myself out of that feeling.

Then came a time when I would look in the mirror and see a hideous troll.  Gross.  How could anyone love me? Look at that mishapen face.  Look at that stomach, those legs.  Then one day I realized what was happening, and started the self-talk, the logic.  It worked.  Mishapen me went away.

Then the muscle spasms started.  In my neck, in my legs, for no reason.  I'm working on those.  But meanwhile, now I have panic attacks.  Joy.

Hopefully, before it can turn into something else, I'll be getting some therapy.  There's this cognitive behavior place in town.  I'm hoping that someone there can use something called "Prolonged Exposure Therapy".  It is THE thing for PTSD.  Here's hoping.

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