God's Diagnostic formulation.

So, in honor of the holiday season, I've been reading the bible today. Particularly, Deuteronomy, Leviticus, and Exodus. In these The god of Abraham (GOA) throws down very specific rules. I've been using these as ammunition to argue with "People of Faith" who are against same-sex marriage, a little side hobby of mine in which I frequently get to a question they can't answer, and then they abandon the discussion or resort to name-calling. Of note, I have been called a bible-hater, gay-lover, dyke, fag, bitch, "lost soul" and countless other names by God's People. Why do I do this? Because it's fun. I like drama, as long as I get to control its level of intrusion into my life.
So, anyway. The bible.
Over and over again, GOA says, "I am a jealous god, you shall have no others" We read this over and over and over again. He also has a propensity to destroy things by fire, flood and pestulance, but curiously, after the flood, he was all, "Whoops, I'm never going to do that again!" (Gen. 9:11)
These things that you are not to EVER, EVER do according to the bible:

• Deuteronomy 22:5 Ladies, NO MANLY CLOTHES. THAT MEANS get rid of those boy-shorts and pants!
• Leviticus 19:16 Gossip. (this would be the hardest of all of these for me to follow. )
• Leviticus 19:19 Wear clothing made of two kinds of material.
• Leviticus 19:23 Avoid eating anything you planted the first four years after you’ve moved (the third year, you're supposed to harvest it and then set it out as an offering to GOA.
• Leviticus 19:26 Eat meat “rare”
• Leviticus 19:27 Cut your hair (and men, NO SHAVING)
• Leviticus 20:18 Make whoopee during your period (or be with a woman during her period).
• Leviticus 20:22 Eat or participate in Native American traditions, including their art or medicine.
• Leviticus 11:29, 20:25-26 Eat/take any of the following forbidden foods: pork products, frog’s legs, turtle soup, rattlesnake, shrimp, crayfish, mussles, shrimp, scallops, calamari, crab, escargot, clams, oysters, lobster, Glucosamine, Oyster-shell calcium.
• Leviticus 27:32, Numbers 18:26, Deuteronomy 14:22: Give a tenth of your income over to God.
• Leviticus 21:6 No cripples or ugly people leading in church sacraments and services. (Pretty, whole people only.)

So. He throws world-wide temper-tantrums, with disastrous results. He gave you free will, and tempted you, then you yielded to temptation, so now you're going to hell!! And he knew you would do that! But wait, he loves you!! He's your father. No wait, he's your son. No wait, he's a SPIRIT!
Anyway. Based on all past history, I offer a provisional diagnosis of borderline personality disorder, with narcissistic tendencies.
Borderline personality disorder: Usually involves unusual levels of instability in mood, "black and white" thinking, chaotic and unstable relationships with otehrs, unstable self-image and identify, unpredictable and chaotic behavior.

Narcisism: this involves a person who feels in all areas of life that he is better than others in every way. The narcissist has a constant need for admiration, and lack of empathy, and a constant preoccupation with personal adequacy, power, and prestige, and is often referred to as, "the god complex".

Recommended treatment plan:
1) Referral to psychiatrist for a mood stabilizer and/or anti-depressant
2) Group therapy with emphasis on social skills training
3) Cognitive-behaviorally-based individual therapy focusing on confronting inconsistencies in thought and behavior, "thought-stopping" techniques to control destructive impulses, and relaxation techniques.
Of course, it will never work. GOA doesn't have a job that pays, doesn't qualify for medicaid (too much in assets) and his followers don't believe in universal health converage. He'll most likely wind up homeless or living alone in a squallid apartment, bitching and moaning about how he's surrounded by assholes.

Yeah, I know. 

I'm going to hell. 
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