The kid sat across from me, slumped in his chair. He'd just heard from his aunt about how he argues a lot. And....that's about it. THAT was her big complaint. Then, as an afterthought, before she left me alone with him, she mentioned that he told her he wanted to die.
do you still want to die?
he shrugged.
"dunno."
then...
"I mean, I wouldn't do anything to myself. But maybe if, you know, I was walking in the street, and saw a bus coming down on me...maybe I wouldn't work that hard to get out of the way."
Why do you hate your life so much?
he thought about that.
"It's not that I hate my life. I just hate this life. I wish I had my old life back."
what was different about your old life?
He thought about that, too. "My mom used to be fun. I wish she was like she used to be. She used to do things. Now all she does is take her pills, sleep, and yell."
His mom doesn't work. She lives with various relatives. This month, she's living with an aunt, who lives on disability. Ms. Thing can't hold a job. Ms. Thing pulled him out of school because she's was mad at the school. He wished he could go back. He misses his friends.
He's pretty sure they're getting ready to move. Again.
He knows they're poor. He knows because his mother reminds him, daily, of how poor they are. Reminds him that if it weren't for him she wouldn't be so poor.
He shares a room with a cousin who is constantly stoned. He's tried it a couple of times. He likes how it makes him feel.
"Sometimes, when I'm really mad at her, I make her pancakes and put lots of syrup on them."
???
"then when she passes out in her food, she wakes up with it all over her. "
Who do you talk to when you're sad or mad?
"I used to talk to my mom. But now it's like a contest with her, and she has to tell me how much more she suffers more than me" He kicked the floor.
It's the eve of his 11th Christmas.
Merry Christmas, kid.
...
